QUEER SAFETY & A VINTAGE VAN | FT. GENE & SHAY
My Solo Road S2 Ep 5 | Queer Safety & a Vintage Van | ft. Gene & Shay
Today my good friends Gene and Shay are here to talk all about queer van life, their timelines of coming out, van life with cats, and the lessons they have learned so far!
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INTRODUCTION
Today we are sitting down with my good friends Gene + Shay! They are a queer couple that started their van life journey in 2020 in their 1984 dodge campervan and two cats Bean + Sprout. We’re diving into what it’s like to have two cats on the road, queer van life including how Gene (they/them) navigates places as a non-binary individual, their timelines of coming out, and the lessons that they have learned on the road. They also remind us that things will test you on the road but it’s always worth it!
HOW They STARTED VAN LIFE
- They met on Tinder/Instagram in 2020, went on a date in March, started dating in August, and moved into the van in September.
- Shay found van life and had an experience for a month with her friend in college and Gene had an RV growing up.
- They bought a 1984 Dodge campervan. They didn’t plan on getting an older van but they were open to anything.
- Even though they just started dating before moving into the van, they had a lot of deep conversations and knew that they were going to be together for life.
- Tip: travel slowly if you don’t have a remote income and are just starting van life. You don’t have to hit every city if you want this to be a lifestyle!
THEIR VAN BUILD
- Shay’s step dad helped them build out the van in his workshop, during the winter in Philly. They didn’t have the layout planned but he taught them along the way.
- Gene thought that the hardest part of the build was the plumbing and electric. And Shay thought the hardest thing was the shape of the van, since it tapers off. Putting in the walls and upper cabinets was challenging.
- They used a pin nail gun for the build and once they started moving everything started falling apart.
- Tip: Professional van builders usually only have experience building a house and a van is completely different. Ask your builders about their experience building a van before you invest!
- They have french style doors then as you open them, in front of you are green kitchen cabinets, an oak wood countertop, black sink, and their books. When you turn around there’s another green cabinet, the electric, a large queen size bed that converts into a sectional L shaped couch, and two rows of overhead cabinets with white walls.
- They have one 170 watt solar panel on the top with two 200 amp hour Dakota batteries and are also hooked onto the alternator for power. They also use their ecoflow portal battery.
- Once you’re in the van for a little bit, you’ll find out how many watts things pull, how much you can use, and if it’s cloudy or rainy you should conserve more.
THEIR FIRST FEW MONTHS ON THE ROAD
- On their first day on the road, they were on the turnpike 20 minutes away and everything in the van turned off. They had to pull to the side of the road and wait for AAA. they realized that their gas gauge wasn’t working right and they ran out of gas.
- Tip: travel with the temperature! They were in 90 degree heat and it wasn’t fun for them or the cats.
- They liked camping in Del Rio Texas and Stanley Idaho sucked them in. They have something to do every night, it’s so cheap, a lot of seasonal workers live in their vans so it’s very van friendly!
- The first month on the road, their brakes gave out. In Shay’s opinion, there’s always going to be something that happens the first month to test you.
- They spent a week with brakes that didn’t work that well because it was hard finding a mechanic to fit them into a bay.
- 5 months later, their van started making a loud noise and then it wouldn’t start. They posted on IG stories and people were pouring in letting them know it was the starter. The community on Instagram helps fast and it saved them money on a diagnostic.
HAVING CATS ON THE ROAD
- They have two cats, Bean and Sprout. They were Shay’s cats from before her and Gene started dating. They love life on the road and it’s amazing to see them out running around vs how they used to live in her apartment.
- They trained them with their harnesses everyday before moving into the van. They didn’t love it in the beginning but now they correlate the back door opening with them needing their harnesses on.
- If you have a cat and want to go on the road, exercise patience. You can’t train them as fast and in the same way as dogs. They will come around but they have to think it’s their idea or you can use treats.
- Two things that have been helpful have been: Sentry calming spray and these Texens backpacks that they bring on hikes.
LIFE ON THE ROAD AS A QUEER COUPLE
- Gene (they/them) identifies as transmasculine non-binary and Shay (she/her) identifies as queer and sometimes lesbian.
- For Gene, they associate being trans with being on hormones.
- Being a queer couple, they have to be extra cautious. They have to know what areas they are pulling into and think about where they are being affectionate. The website “Gay Cities” has been a great resource. You can see hikes, bars, and restaurants in over 200 cities.
- Gene has to gauge what establishment they’re in. If people think they are a man, then they have an easier time in that establishment. But if they are getting stares then they know they should go to the van to go to the bathroom instead of going to the womens or mens restroom.
- They found out that planet fitness isn’t the best option for their situation. They had a membership but it was an uncomfortable situation whenever they used it. Instead they use their solar shower and are looking for other options.
- The two places that didn’t feel that welcoming were: Charleston SC and Vail CO. In Charleston, there weren’t any queer dive bars. The bigger cities in the south had the same type of people everywhere you look. And in Vail, there were men at the bar who were making remarks towards Shay and when Gene stepped in, it caused an issue and was a scary moment.
THEIR TIMELINES OF COMING OUT
- Gene knew since second grade that they wanted to be a boy.
- They came out as a lesbian when they were 17 and it still felt weird. But when they were 27 they started to see trans men on the internet. So at 28 they came out as a trans man and went by he/him. They started binding their boobs, taking testosterone, and finally felt comfortable in their body. But they realized they identify more with being non-binary so they dropped the he/him pronouns and now use they/them.
- Shay already knew this about Gene because of displaying their pronouns on social media. This is a reminder to put your pronouns in your Instagram bio! Even if your cis, it normalizes it.
- When Shay was 14, a girl asked if she was gay and if she wanted to go with her bowling. She waited until she was 21 to come out publicly to her family and with her girlfriend on Instagram.
- Both of their parents were super supportive when they came out but it helps if you already feel safe and secure on your own. Because even if you know your family, you aren’t sure how they will react. If you are already in your own space and supporting yourself, you’ll feel more safe.
- When Gene came around Shay’s family they had a conversation about what misgendering means, why it’s harmful, and why it’s important to learn about. If you ever misgender someone, know that it happens sometimes. If you get corrected, just say thank you!
THEIR EXPERIENCE ONLINE
- Both Gene and Shay posted a lot about their queer identities on their personal pages before van life. So when they got on the road, Shay wanted to make a joint queer van life account.
- They receive a lot of messages from people saying that they love seeing someone like Gene and the insights of their relationship. And if you have any questions, their DM’s are open (@geneandshay)
- Other resources to connect with people from different communities and backgrounds are: @vanlifepride and Diversify Van Life.
GETTING TESTOSTERONE ON THE ROAD
- Gene’s insurance doesn’t cover out of state so they can’t get testosterone shipped anywhere outside of Pennsylvania. They have friends that go to the pharmacy and mail it to them.
- They recommend having someone who can prioritize it at the same time every month since being off of it will affect your mood. Or if you can get on insurance that works out of state or pay out of pocket.
- It’s also hard because you can’t get a larger supply since it’s possible to inject too much and mess up your body.
LESSONS THAT THEY HAVE LEARNED WHILE LIVING ON THE ROAD
- As a couple they had to dissect communication and boundaries. Speaking up when something is bothering you or if you like something and want more of it. You have to communicate faster than you normally would.
- Van life puts your relationship with yourself and with your partner under a microscope. Respecting each other’s boundaries and losing your stubbornness are helpful tips for living on the road with a partner.
- They both felt like they were running from something and saw van life as an opportunity to grow.
- They are always going to be doing van life in some capacity. Their goal is to buy some land and keep the van for their children.
FINAL ADVICE
Shay’s advice is to not have too many expectations. It’s going to be a lot different than what you see and it’s different for each person. Van life will test you and you don’t know you’re at the end of a rough patch in the moment but you will get through it. The strength that you gain from living this lifestyle is incredible. Gene’s advice is to prioritize your mental health and boundaries. They felt bad for not being as social and felt pressure to be more extroverted but now they honor their boundaries and rest when they need to!
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